Here it is. The last blog of this semester. This moment could not have come soon enough. Looking back now I think “maybe if I had a good theme or reason for blogging it may have been better” but then again maybe not. Maybe I just don’t like blogging.

I’m not “with it” when it comes to fashion, or music, or movies, or trends, or philosophical arguments, or political positions, or social commentary. I am a simple girl who likes to think deeply but struggle with it when left to my own devices. I prefer face-to-face conversations. I don’t mind reading about other people as long as I don’t know them; if I know them I’d prefer they tell me this stuff in person. I don’t pay attention to people who don’t make me laugh or present some idea that is somehow applicable to my life.

So due to my lack of insight in all things that people care to hear about, I hate blogging. I guard the parts of me that are most precious and don’t show them to many. So you won’t get that here. I lack the ability to be funny when I have to be, so I have avoided that as well. I suck at formulating my deep thoughts into written words so that would’ve bombed. I don’t spend hours finding funny videos online. I don’t spend hours finding new bands. I don’t watch as many movies as I need to in order to have “a valid opinion” of what’s good or not. I wear t-shirts and jeans so fashion is out.

I think ultimately the reason I hate blogging is because I fear I have nothing to offer the world that they will want. There. That’s my heart and with that I will end this meaningless blog. I may restart when I feel I have an adventure worth sharing or can organize my thoughts into coherent sentences. 

Until next time, keep fit and have fun!

It’s April. I am thrilled to be beginning a month that starts with an “A”. See here’s the deal. It’s so much more enjoyable to write a capital A, or capital J (personal fav), than a capital M or F. eww.

I love April. Usually because it’s the end of the semester and summer is on it’s way. But this year April is going to be one of the best months I will have for quite a long time. “why?” says you. So says me…

• Last night a good friend of mine brought me a chocolate bar and a Diet Pepsi while I was at work. What better way to start off a month than with tasty goodness??? It was deloish!

(sidenote) Last night while working I was told by the foreman of a crew  that stays here every week to set 4am wake-up calls for all the rooms but 2 of them. He said they had to leave for the site early for some reason. They didn’t. He made me pull an April Fool’s prank on his crew. They were less than pleased with me. I was less than pleased with me. 

• I can stop blogging. I no longer have to write stuff that no one cares to read simply for the sake of passing an assignment. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been lovely stressing out about it every week, pestering people to give me blog ideas, but all good things must come to an end. Or maybe I’ll just blog more. No I won’t. I lied.

• I’m getting a haircut. After 3 months of having a perm this is a big deal. I love my hair and can’t hardly wait until it I don’t look boring again.

• Glee starts back up. Yeah yeah it’s High School Musical on tv but listen here haters. I have always dreamed of performing on Broadway but realistically watching high school kids dance around a choir room will probably be the closest I will ever get to that. My lack of singing ability and two left feet eliminate me before it could ever begin. tear.

• I will hopefully be completing my B.A. It has been a long 6 years of post-secondary and I will finally be completing a degree. Yes, I may do further schooling in the future but for now I am just going to enjoy this. Once I get in my final mark informing me that I have passed all my classes I will probably just sit down where I am and cry, as I have done several times already in anticipation of that moment.

• I get to see my younger bro twice this month. Some may not get my excitement in this. Those people have clearly never met him. He’s awesome and I P-U-M-P-E-D to hang out with him. He is part of some of my favorite memories and makes me laugh like very few can.

• My bff, Jana, is not only getting married (whoop whoop) but she is also having a baby. I will witness the marriage of one of the coolest people I know to be closely followed by her experiencing pain even her nightmares can not conceive. Growing up my friend Leah and I were really tight with Jana. The three of us rocked Carlyle constantly. None of us would’ve pegged her as being the first married or the first with a kid. But alas, I am wrong again. Screw you Jana. screw. you.

• NHL hockey teams begin their pursuit of Lord Stanely. It brings me sheer delight in knowing that I can watch hockey all night, every night for the first 2 weeks. HHHHOOOOCCCKKKKEEEEYYYY!!!!!

• A wonderfully talented man by the name of Matthew Goud, who goes by the name “Northcote”, is performing in Lethbridge. He spent a number of years living in Carlyle and was always a treat to be around. I strongly suggest you all come check him out. Friday April 9th. Henotic. 9 pm. You’ll be glad you did. Here’s his myspace. Something about his music just catches me and I hope it catches you too. “Worry” is my personal favorite.
  

                              http://www.myspace.com/northcotemusic 

(trust me. I know you shouldn’t because I like country music, but please, people with good musical tastes enjoy him too. Maybe, just maybe, I am acquiring a taste for things that aren’t utterly detestable to the general population.)

So there’s my April. Degree. Marriage. Baby. Family. Friends. Music. Hockey. Haircut. And who knows, maybe I’ll throw in a little Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy just to make it exciting…

So it’s the nearing the end of the semester and as a student who is merely weeks away from receiving her degree you may think I’d be insanely happy. I am. However there are still a few weeks of classes left and some major assignments that need to be completed before any piece of paper can be handed to me. I fear that after 6 long years of post-secondary studies my degree will come down to a simple statistics final.

I am terrible at anything math related. I am stressed but deciding that I refuse to let this class beat me. In the midst of the stress we are all experiencing, most of you more than me I’m sure, I am choosing to find bright spots to keep me going.

Today’s bright spots include:

- getting much more accomplished in 1.5 hours than some people do in a full day.

- seeing my roommate’s art hanging on level 8 of the arts building. Check it out! She is amazing.

- knowing that as stressed as I am, this too will come to an end. My worth is not found in a statistics class nor in the grades I receive.

- having time to flat iron my hair. I really love my hair and love when it’s straight.

- not having thrown-up today. After 4 days of it, this is a good feeling. I may even try eating more than toast later on.

-getting my drink free at Starbucks. If you don’t go to the West side Starbucks, you should. The people that work there are wonderful and receiving a free green tea lemonade with raspberry was much appreciated. Thank you.

So there are my bright spots in the last 7 hours. I encourage you all that in this time of absolute hell and suicidal thoughts look for the silver linings. They are there. Some days we just need to look closer.

Applegate. Out.

So it’s been a long week. I am exhausted and sometimes my tiredness leads to wacked out creativity, sometimes it leads to a lack of creativity. Unfortunately for you, it’s the latter this week. So rather than risking failing my class by not posting I am reusing a post from my facebook. In turn I am reducing the amount of thought I am putting into this post, and recycling unnecessary information. And you think you do sooo much to save the planet. pfff… I’ve revamped it a bit for those that have already creeped me on FB. 

I am guessing most people know I want to get married and have a family and that I love Jesus and that I love the Riders, so I am going to skip those kind of “facts” about me.

1. The only time I wear socks that aren’t black is when I am working out. Then I wear white ankle socks and just typing that grosses me out. I hate white socks.

2. Two of my favorite words to write are “spelling” and “gullible”.

3. I prefer squares over circles. All about the clean straight lines baby.

4. When I was a small child I used to rip into garbage bags and eat the egg shells out of them. Probably explains why my bones are so strong now.

5. Popcorn would make my Top 5 list of Best Foods Ever.

6. Pink is my favorite colour. Green is a close second.

7. When I was 7 years old I accidentally drank a glass of vinegar thinking it was water. Thanks again Buckshot.

8. I still wear retainers at night. And yes I talk with a lisp with them in.

9. I quite enjoy the taste of sand.

10. I love feet, especially my own.

11. I wear my belt on the side of my pants. That way it doesn’t bulge out at the front but blends in with my already noticeable love handles. 

12. I once spent an afternoon pretending I was homeless. My friend and I put on old ratty clothes, rolled around in the garden, and sat on the corner of her yard trying to bum a ride from people who knew us well. One of the best afternoons of my life I would dare say.

13. I once liked a boy with the nickname “Wizzy.” We wrote letters to each other (yes, I’m THAT old) until one day I told him I thought he had a girl’s name and I wasn’t interested in talking to him. I have regretted that decision ever since.

14. I had my first real kiss when I was 11. I have yet to “take a lover” who even compares. (he wasn’t actually my lover, I just love that phrase.)

15. I couldn’t burp until I was 21 years old.

16. I like things to be balanced. The most extreme case being when I was in high school I accidentally burnt my right hand on the stove. I quickly hit my left hand on it in order to balance the burning sensation out. I have since broken free from that mental illness, but still prefer things to be even.

17. I have had the following nicknames at one point or another in my life: Bren, Brenda, Sauce, Barnyard, B-yard, Birtha, BeRenewed, Howard, Rick, Vern, Harriet, Pee-Dog, Robbin, Sausage, Brandy, Barnaby, Brengun, Brenner, Bowzer, Brenema, Brendenema Crapplegate, Fenna Narcam, Wooden Legs, Pylon, Dog, or any other sort of variation of any of those. Pretty classy eh?

18. I didn’t have a full head of hair until I was 5 years old. My brothers used to call me Mr.-T and my uncle said I had a “proceeding hairline.”

19. I prefer left over right. I generally start things on the left. I brush my teeth and hair, start washing my face, start rinsing my hair and shaving my legs, get out of bed, all on the left. If given the opportunity to choose I will more often than not pick left over right.

20. When no one is watching I eat my fries in pairs and they have to be the same size. I will take either mayo or ice cream for dipping. Oreo ice cream being optimal.

21. I love the smell of gasoline, new linoleum, freshly cut grass, coffee grounds, and cigarette smoke. Separately, of course, although altogether may be incredible.

22. I enjoy doing laundry, honestly. Folding towels is one of my favorite parts of it.

23. I like the dentist and thoroughly enjoy the feeling of having my mouth frozen. I’d get it done weekly if I could.

24. I would never shave my head because I have two small red spots on it that I would be self conscious about showing.

25. I once licked a metre of pavement in bizarre agreement/bet made with a friend. About 3/4 of the way through my tongue started getting a little raw. My friend and I also once licked the floor after the carpet had been torn up. We puked violently for about 20 minutes after.


So that’s a brief glimpse into who I am. After re-reading this I can only help but question why people still hang out with me. I’m guessing it’s because of my looks…

I’m not a farm kid but I am a hick. My neck is probably a fair bit redder than most of yours, but this, in itself, does not make me stupid or ignorant. Granted there are many experiences I did not have growing up that city kids did, but that goes both ways.

I never had to lock my house. ever.

I could walk to IGA and charge freezies to my parent’s account on a hot summer day. Multiple times in need be.

I knew the names of all the kids I graduated with and who all their siblings were as well.

I could ride my bike around for hours on the back roads without the fear of being raped and murdered.

I never had to signal when driving because everyone knew my car and where I was going.

I knew that the instant that something bad happened to our family there would be people there with food and a helping hand.

I could rent 2 new releases at the gas station for $4 for 3 days.

I could spend my summer nights at the drive-in theatre.

I had a backyard and so did all my friends. Real backyards, not wimpy imitation ones like city kids have. eww.

I never had to worry about having fashionable clothes because by the time fashion reached our town it was already a couple years out of date.

I got the pleasure of listening to the sound of dial-up internet for years longer than city kids.

I see why families live in small towns. Up until about 2 weeks ago I had always planned to return to one. I had deep hatred for cities and swore I would never live in one. No matter where I do end up, my heart will always be one of a small town girl. Having said that, I am beginning to see why people live in cities. (Even typing that was like the sound of someone scraping the frost inside a freezer.) I fear making my small-townedness apparent in listing the things I see as benefits but this country mouse ain’t afraid of nothin!

Stores are open later than 6 pm and there is more than 10 stores.

Public transit.

Culture. Not everyone is the same except for the one family that happens to own the local Chinese restaurant.

Entertainment. If you don’t like the one movie playing at the theatre that weekend, you’re not totally screwed.

A thing called FM Radio. Seems lame, but for a hick like me, it’s a treat.

Beautiful green spaces. Granted they are near buildings, but parks at least exist.

Educational opportunities. A high school student could take more classes than just the required English, Science, History, and Math. Unreal.

Opportunity in general. Cities offer people the chance at a good job and being in place where they can affect change.

As I approach being done my schooling I am beginning to dream again. I am beginning to question where my skills and life are best invested. I am beginning to think that it may include being in a city. I just fear that the conflict between my simple way of looking at life and the often frivilous lifestyle of city dwellers may result in something terrible. Like rigging explosives to a city bus full of people and demanding that it maintain a speed of 50 mph or it’ll blow. You know, something fairly common like that…

Okay, so I don’t really take chances. Ever. You will never hear someone say “wow, Beave/The Goat is the greatest risk-taker I’ve ever met. She is insane.” As you’ve noticed I’m sure with this blog not having any cool escapades that I’ve been a part of. It is against my nature to be crazy. That’s not to say I don’t do stupid things quite frequently, but I don’t really put myself out there. The only exception is when it comes to relationships.

Two summers ago I confessed to one of my closest guy friends that I had been in love with him for 7 years. Granted it wasn’t really “in love” and there were some breaks in the time, but I threw myself out there. Quite non-chalantly I might add. I simply worked it into everyday conversation and caught him totally off guard. I would so it again just to experience his reaction a second time.

I was always the girl in school that would decide she liked a boy and then just tell him. Clearly none of those times worked out, but I am quite alright with that. There have been times that I have been tempted to take a chance with a guy but there’s something in me that would like to enter a relationship with the possibility of it lasting. Call me old-fashioned but I play for keeps.

So in light of my willingness to throw my heart on the line, once again, I went to Regina this past weekend to meet a guy I had met on e-harmony. I was already going there to attend my bff’s baby shower and figured “why not meet this man?!” We had been matched in mid-January and since the end of January had spoken online almost every single day. We have a TON of connections (he actually grew up in the neighboring town in Sask) and from everyone I had talked to he was a stellar guy. Things were looking promising.

The plan was to meet on Saturday night to play pool. He was to message me when he was done a dinner he was attending and we’d meet up. By 7.30 I was ready to go, wearing an outfit that I think I look really cute in.

You guessed it. He never messaged. I sat at home with my mom all night and waited. I watched hours of Olympic recaps I had watched live earlier that afternoon. Two of my closest friends were in the city for the day and had invited me to a movie. I said no because I had plans. Apparently I didn’t though. I ended up having a hot bath and going to bed early. Not exactly what I was hoping for.

I messaged him the next day to ask what had happened; I didn’t want to assume that I had been stood up. There was the chance that something had happened and he was unable to get a hold of me. False. He was able to get a hold of me and didn’t. It ends up he had changed his mind about meeting me but forgot to let me in on this minor tidbit of information. I mean, a girl only drives 6 hours one way to meet you, it’s easy to forget to tell her.

So that’s my update of eharmony. I have been contacted by some other randoms but am not overly interested. This guy who stood me up is probably a good guy who made a poor choice. I am not bitter or angry at him anymore and should make a mental note that after this blog entry I will stop faking bitterness. (I sometimes think it’s funny to fake things.) Life happens and I’m not going to sit in self-pity over something that is far far less damaging than things others face on a daily basis. It sucks that he wasn’t honest with me, but I’m sure he didn’t do it out of malice.

The only thing I am happy for was that Canada won gold that Sunday. Had they lost in overtime I’m pretty sure I would’ve bombed this guy’s house and dealing with bodies tires me out. My anger would’ve had to been taken out on someone and it sure wasn’t going to be my family. So guy who stood me up, if you’re reading this, be thankful that Canada didn’t blow it big time. Maybe send Crosby a nice fruit basket - the kid saved your life.

Howdy ya’ll!

So this blog is also not spontaneous but I am choosing to post a photo and a couple videos of what me and my peeps like to refer to as “the goat.” You may not understand what possesses an individual to do such a thing, and to be honest, nor do I. I am simply posting it to appease the plethora of people who are demanding it.

Remember how the fans cheered “we want Russia” after Canada beat Germany in hockey? The chanting for The Goat was similar. So here she is.

Now that you have seen the goat, it is time to experience the goat.

Warning: life will never be the same after this. Well life might be, but your view of me won’t. Just remember, I never claimed to be classy.

Disclaimer: In no way was alcohol involved in this, although I’m tempted to lie and say otherwise now that I’ve rewatched it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVnULwCpmtY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGSchersL3s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCjKs7z5TUc

So there she is. The goat. She’s been known to surprise people at weddings. If you’re not careful you may, yourself, be goated one day without even knowing it.

(no real goats were harmed in the making of this blog. Minus “the goat’s” ego and level of future social interaction. It’ll take more than e-harmony to get this girl a date.)

Let me just set the scene here.

It was Tuesday night. My evening had begun with being picked up by a handsome young gentleman who brought with him some beautiful yellow flowers for me. He took me to the musical production of Hair and then to end the evening out we headed to Denny’s for some late night Grand Slams.

Okay, so the Denny’s part might not sound romantic to you, but I love breakfast food. Especially late at night when I know that all the fat and sugar I ingest is going straight to my thighs as I sleep.

Anyway, we sit down and order our drinks. I got coffee because the hot chocolate machine was down and he got water because he is healthy (?). He clearly already had in mind to order the Grand Slamwich (simply because of the name) and I opt for the French Toast Slam with scrambled eggs, my bacon extra crispy, and my sausage butterflied. Not picky at all.

Skip ahead 10 minutes. Our food arrives. I, as most adults do, begin cutting my french toast into tiny little pieces. You know how a mom does that for her small child because they can’t cut it themselves, well that’s what I do. It’s embarrassing for people with me, but I just like it that way, okay. So after my french toast is cut I proceed to begin cutting my bacon. This is when the night falls apart.

Apparently I am the only human being either of us know that uses a fork and knife to eat bacon. I knew some people, mostly just those barbaric individuals that also use thier hands to eat pizza, would use their fingers but I was under the assumption that there was also a large population of people who use utensils for the purpose in which they were created… I have since been proven wrong.

I have asked about 15 people and not a single one of them uses a fork and knife. One of them, in response to me stating that I was not going to apologize for being proper, questioned if I was proper or a prude. My best friend, who has obviously seen me eat bacon before, said “fingers definitely. I have never in my life seen someone use a fork and knife to eat bacon.” Yes, you have you little liar.

So what began as a great night out with a good friend (no I didn’t meet him on eharmony. we’re just friends from before) turned into one of the most shocking and offensive evenings I have had in a long time. I just want to say that although I should maybe feel like I am in the wrong for having manners and acting like a lady, I am appalled that no one individual shares my appreciation for the comforts of this American life. Some man invented the fork and knife so you wouldn’t have to use your fingers. I think the least we can do to show our gratitude is to use them. Do you eat sausages with your fingers? No. So what possesses you to think it’s acceptable to do it with bacon?!

And for you “ladies” out there, and I use the term loosely, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Were we not raised better than this…?? Did men not die to give us the freedom to act with civility? But there you are, running their sacrifice through the dirt every time you pick up that strip of dead pig with your fingers. Think about that next time you’re tempted to question what’s wrong with the world.

So I know that this isn’t spontaneous, nor as entertaining as my drugged up follies, but I need to get this out. I won’t take long, trust me.

So some girls spend their day longing to hear the 3 little words “I love you” from the mouth of some tall dark handsome man (preferably with glasses). Although I do too, the words I long to hear more are:

Wheel….of….Fortune….

I love the Wheel. I mean, L-O-L-O-L-O-V-E (insert Ashley Simpson’s annoying voice here) it. It is by far one of my favorite game shows. Jeopardy being right up there as well. There are only two people in this world that I know for a fact could possibly beat me: Jana and Karle. If ever I get to go on the show for a partner week, they better be ready to join me. Many claim they are good but let’s be honest, I’ve been living like a 70 year old for YEARS, so I’d own you. There is no shame in that.

Anyway, while watching/playing they allow faithful at-home viewers (like me!) to win prizes. You simply have to join the Wheel Watchers Club and then watch everyday to see if you win. Okay? So what’s the issue here Brenna?

IT’S CLOSED TO CANADIANS.

Everyday from 7-7.30 pm part of me dies. I begin the show in confidence that I’ll solve all the puzzles before the contestants and in hope that maybe, just maybe, the Club will be open to me. And everyday I’m denied.

It’s like when you’re a child and the cool kids start a super cool club and invite only the super cool kids and you think “hey. I’m pretty cool. I bet they’ll invite me” only to find out they select everyone BUT you. Yes, I live each day hoping to be part of a club that only widowed white-haired women who soil themselves are a part of. And each day I am denied.

Yes, it does do wonders for my self-esteem.

So as previously stated, I’m single. I know most of you reading this are probably shocked that a woman of my stature and demeanor would be single, but I am. Maybe I’m still single just to give false hope to all you guys out there… maybe it’s my lack of cooking skills. or my mad athletic skills. or my perm. or maybe we will never know.

Most days I am very content in being single. Having said that, I do want to get married someday and have a family. I know, I know, my ovaries are drying up and in another 6 months I likely won’t be able to have kids, but here I am, still clinging to hope. I opt to overlook that whole “most people your age are grandparents” aspect of it. I like being single; there are many benefits to it. What those benefits are I won’t tell you. I am still looking for them…

A couple weeks ago my roommate and I thought it’d be funny for me to sign up for a bunch of online dating services and see how many free meals I could scam out of it. I’m a student and yes, I’m that cheap. So I signed up for a bunch but most cost money so there was NO way I was going to pay for them. I love love, but as J-Lo says “my love don’t cost a thing” so I figure, why should yours? You filthy, greedy people.

However the other morning I awoke to the overwhelming feeling that at some point in the night I had actually gone ahead and paid for my e-harmony account. The day before had been exhausting and so to help me sleep I took a sleeping pill. (Let me interject here and say that I do not normally do this. I am not an addict. But I had taken one.) I vaguely remember lying in bed feeling lonely. I guess in the midst of visions of myself becoming that old cat lady that all children, except the one with no social skills, fear I had gone online and paid for it. I figure I did this on my ipod because my computer wasn’t beside my bed which I assume it would’ve been had I used my computer to waste money.

So now $134.85 later, I am an active member of e-harmony. Yes, my life has regressed to such a state as this. In order for me to find a date I must drug myself and sign up for an online dating service. And believe it or not, I still don’t have a date. This is going to be a great story for the grandkids… if I ever get them. I may just resort to stealing them from someone else.

And I wonder why I’m still single.

Look at that girl being so happy. I hate her.